I got an excellent start to my exercise revolution this weekend. We were finally able to take the bikes for their inaugural ride. We went 12 miles. I think it was pretty good for the first time riding a bike in over 10 years!!! I did well, except for the sore bottom from a not very comfortable seat.
The following day, I participated in a fundraising walk for March of Dimes. I walked 6 miles :) Then on Sunday I worked outside in the yard for about 4 hours planting and weeding and spreading mulch. Today I continued the yard work for about 2 hours. But of course I've eaten like a pig today. Well, not all day. Just for dinner :)
I have a good start! Now just to keep it up...
Monday, April 27, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Starting over - again
I decided that the only way I can get back is to just start rather than wallowing in self-pity. I need to get back to myself. As I have said over and over, I have to just start at the beginning. It's all in the mindset...I just have to put myself there.
Now that I have a routine set and I won't be working 5 days in a row, I can finally actually set goals and get them accomplished.
I'm starting with the exercise. We are taking the first bike ride this weekend. I got some info on trails etc. Once I get used to riding again, we will be hitting the trails and doing some camping! Can't wait!
Goal for new week 1:
*cooking all week :)
(starting small - easily attainable)
Now that I have a routine set and I won't be working 5 days in a row, I can finally actually set goals and get them accomplished.
I'm starting with the exercise. We are taking the first bike ride this weekend. I got some info on trails etc. Once I get used to riding again, we will be hitting the trails and doing some camping! Can't wait!
Goal for new week 1:
*cooking all week :)
(starting small - easily attainable)
Friday, April 17, 2009
What was taken from me
He stole my self esteem....
I realized that even after 9 years, I still sometimes think about the ex and what happened. I have been struggling the last couple of years with the weight and my appearance. I look at pictures and it just doesn't seem like me. I don't know if it's the changes over time or what it is, but they just don't look like me. I see someone who's fat and out of shape with hair that just doesn't work. I was looking through some photos that were pre-ex and some that were early on and those are what I remember looking like. I was smiling and healthy and happy. Lately, I don't feel like any of that. I realized it's because he took something from me that I can't get back. No matter how much I try, how much money I spend on myself, or the toys I buy to make me feel better. I can't get back my self-esteem. I keep going to school to learn more. I buy expensive cars to look the part. I have nice clothes in hopes that I will feel good wearing them. I take trips and vacations hoping to find the fun loving person I used to be. All it's gotten me is a HUGE credit card debt. But I can't get back what he stole from me.
I just don't think that part of me will ever come back. And that makes me very sad. I used to be the one that everyone liked. The one that was the life of the party and always had a good time no matter what. Now I feel like I'm just here sometimes. Then I get people who say things about me and to me that are just plain mean. It all adds up and piles on to the point where sometimes I just want to lay there and not live in reality anymore. I don't smile as much, I don't laugh as much. I don't enjoy things like I used to. And I know that affects those around me. No one wants to be around someone who's broken. So I try to put on the smile and the charm. Just like I was taught when I was younger. You have to look good on the outside no matter what. But I still feel empty. Like there's a hole where my self esteem is supposed to be.
I realized that even after 9 years, I still sometimes think about the ex and what happened. I have been struggling the last couple of years with the weight and my appearance. I look at pictures and it just doesn't seem like me. I don't know if it's the changes over time or what it is, but they just don't look like me. I see someone who's fat and out of shape with hair that just doesn't work. I was looking through some photos that were pre-ex and some that were early on and those are what I remember looking like. I was smiling and healthy and happy. Lately, I don't feel like any of that. I realized it's because he took something from me that I can't get back. No matter how much I try, how much money I spend on myself, or the toys I buy to make me feel better. I can't get back my self-esteem. I keep going to school to learn more. I buy expensive cars to look the part. I have nice clothes in hopes that I will feel good wearing them. I take trips and vacations hoping to find the fun loving person I used to be. All it's gotten me is a HUGE credit card debt. But I can't get back what he stole from me.
I just don't think that part of me will ever come back. And that makes me very sad. I used to be the one that everyone liked. The one that was the life of the party and always had a good time no matter what. Now I feel like I'm just here sometimes. Then I get people who say things about me and to me that are just plain mean. It all adds up and piles on to the point where sometimes I just want to lay there and not live in reality anymore. I don't smile as much, I don't laugh as much. I don't enjoy things like I used to. And I know that affects those around me. No one wants to be around someone who's broken. So I try to put on the smile and the charm. Just like I was taught when I was younger. You have to look good on the outside no matter what. But I still feel empty. Like there's a hole where my self esteem is supposed to be.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Goals for Week 3
Like I said, one goal at a time. This week I will be focusing on the eating out portion. I buy WAY too much food in the cafeteria at work and eat out too many times for dinner. So this week, I just have one goal (well, I guess it's 2 goals with 1 focus):
1. Take my lunch and snacks every day to work
2. The only eating out day will be Saturday as we have a wedding celebration to attend
I meet with my personal trainer for the first time since surgery this week. I'm a little nervous about that one! I'm still not 100% but I'll never get there if I don't start somewhere!!
1. Take my lunch and snacks every day to work
2. The only eating out day will be Saturday as we have a wedding celebration to attend
I meet with my personal trainer for the first time since surgery this week. I'm a little nervous about that one! I'm still not 100% but I'll never get there if I don't start somewhere!!
End of week 2
As I ended week 2, I realized something. It's not about doing everything at once. It's baby steps. I was trying to change all kinds of habits all at once and I was failing. Then I would start the cycle of anger and more frustration and more failure. This time, I will start small. One goal at a time. Everything can't be changed overnight but I can make the goal to change one thing at a time.
Weight is actually up. But I also had some REALLY salty/starchy food toward the end of the week. Going for the first bike ride this evening!!
Weight is actually up. But I also had some REALLY salty/starchy food toward the end of the week. Going for the first bike ride this evening!!
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Stupid Cough
Met with the pulmonologist today who said the cough is a reaction to the surgery and allergies. So I have some antiallergy stuff and an inhaler to use for the next month. He also things I have a little reflux. So he gave the little purple pill to take.
Why is it that the body chooses it's 30's to fall apart?
Why is it that the body chooses it's 30's to fall apart?
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