I had cancer

As I approach 6 weeks, I am still a little shocked by all of this. It still doesn't seem like this all really happend. I see my scars when I get dressed in the morning and it hits me that I had cancer. When you hear the "c" word, it seems like a death sentence. Even though I know many that have survived, I know just as many that have died. I am faced with my own vulnerability.

When I first heard that I had a mass show up on my chest x-ray, I fell apart. I couldn't stop shaking. I knew something was wrong with me but I never thought about cancer. Cancer. I say the word and it makes me shiver. I had cancer. It just all seems so surreal. I keep waiting to wake up and it's just a nightmare. Or someone will say "we made a mistake". I know deep down that is not going to happen.

I've been cleared by the surgeon who says the surgery went well and I should be just fine. The oncologist says he's not worried about it coming back at all, but we will follow it just in case. But I don't feel fine. I have good days and bad days. Some days I wake up and it's the best day. I can breath, I can walk, I can work, and I get one more day with my friends and family. Other days I wake up and it's all I can do to get out of bed. I want to just crawl back in and stay there. I've been told that it's part of having major surgery like this. Something happens to the body and you can have depression. Today is one of those days. I'm very thankful to be alive and I thank God for healing me. But I just can't stand to be a part of the world sometimes. But I smile and face it anyway.

I met with my oncologist this morning to determine my follow-up routine. He did some research and it's a slow growing cancer. The surgeon was very confident that he got all of it out and the margins were clean. There were no lymphodes involved and nothing else showed up on the PET scan. So we are going with every 6 month CT scans for the first couple of years, then yearly until 5 years. At that point I will be considered "cured".

Even with all that in place and the scars that are a constant reminder, it still seems like it was someone else and not me.

I had cancer.

Finally...1 goal accomplised!

Yesterday was my vegetarian day and I made it through with no meat! Now if I could just find time to get to the grocery store, I might be able to accomplish some others :) Working 5 days a week is a pain......

Goals for week 2

It's already Monday evening, but I need to make these for this week. Two days have passed so I have some making up to do. Today has been a vegetarian day so I have that one out of the way :). Possibly visiting the gym this evening as well. Here's to starting the week out the right way!!

Diet
1. Take my lunch to work everyday (save Monday since it's already passed)
2. Make 1 day vegetarian and 1 day with fish only
3. Limit eating out to 1 day this week
4. Get my 3 glasses of milk and at least 4 glasses of water each day

Excerise
1. Walk 2 mi 3 days this week
2. Visit the gym at least 3 days this week

Week 2 Day 2

It's been a week since I posted last. I guess I have to get used to this blogging thing. I used to keep a journal when I was a kid, but it's been awhile. And this has been a CRAZY week!

As a result, some of my goal were not met. Actually, I don't believe I achieved any of them. But this is where I get into trouble. I set the goals then get frustrated because I don't follow them. Then I just give up. Granted, it's only been a week, but I want to break that cycle. Apparently there were too many of them for the beginning :)

I started out well. But I never came up with a menu for the week and never made it to the grocery. I was okay until Wednesday, but then the craziness began and I just said "forget it". I was lax on both diet and exercise. But I did go to the church I have been interested in. It was a good experience and I will be going back next week and attending the Newcomers class to get some information on the church itself.

Alright...new Goals for this week...

Week 1 Day 2

This week started off great. We were able to get out in the yard on Sunday, so I was able to get in a little physical activity. We went grocery shopping and I got all the fresh ingredients for the week!

So far so good. I did forget my lunch box this morning, so the nice lunch and snacks I had packed were enjoying the afternoon on the floor by the desk at the house. But I was able to get a grilled chicken breast with rice and a big salad for lunch. I happen to have a Kashi TLC bar in my bag for just such an occasion! The only thing missing was fruit. I was able to salvage the day, but it wasn't optimal.

As for activity today, I was able to walk the dog briskly for 2 miles! I was so impressed with myself. I was just reminded by a friends that I have a 10K walk coming up for March of Dimes. I still have a whole month before, but I'm still a little nervous. It's my first exercise goal :)

And for spiritual, I found a church that I'm going to try out. It's a young, contemporary church. I'm hoping I can find a place there. I really miss being a part of a church.

That's it for today...

Goals for week 1

For the purposes of this lifestyle change, I will follow a Sunday through Saturday week. I can take the time on Saturday to make out the menus and go to the market. So my first day will be Sunday March 22nd :)

I decided to not focus on actual weight. If you look at the numbers I look like I'm healthy. But I have the little belly pooch and I REALLY need to tone up the muscles. Since my surgery, I have actually lost some muscle tone and strength. It feels like I'm actually starting all over from a year ago. Unfortunately, the workouts will be slow going at first since I'm still recovering, but I can definitely do the diet thing!!! I guess I should get started!!

Goals for week 1
1. limit eating out to 3 meals (only because I have friends coming in from out of town and I know I will be eating out)

2. taking my lunch to work every day

3. eating at least one day vegetarian and one day of fish

4. walk 2 mi at least 3 days and 1 mi the other 4

starting weight: 128.4 (just because)

Hi! I'm new to this, but I've recently had some life changing events and thought I could benefit from this. So here I am...thoughts and all. We'll see how this goes!!