I made comments about this before, but I'm really interested in downsizing (see previous post). I came across an article about consumerism and it really made sense to me. We as a society have created this artificial need for "stuff". Big houses, expensive cars, closets full of clothes and shoes, the list goes on. I've been thinking about my impact in this world and my legacy. I don't want to be all about the stuff. I want to have memories of fun vacations and time with my family. I want to be able to look back on my life as I sit in the rocking chair and think about how much fun it all was. Sitting with my large credit card bills, the 5,000 sq ft house, and the nice car no longer appeals to me. I want to enjoy traveling and having many adventures.
There's a guy named Dave who made the challenge to dwindle everything down to 100 personal items and he challenges others to do the same. The rules are individualized and are set to what you can live with. I have a plan to completely reorganize my priorities and everything in my life and this will be included.
Starting Sept 1st, 2010 I will begin my 100 things journey. My goal is to be completed within 1 year. Because I share my life with another person, my list of things will vary slightly from those that Dave set. But this will force me to finish my projects so that I can get rid of the last of my craft supplies. Here are my rules:
1. "Personal items" will refer to items that are strictly mine. Obviously I can't get rid of the dining room table or the couch. However, I do have a room that is designated as mine. Therefore, all of the items located in said room are considered "personal" and must be included on the list
2. I will allow myself my cedar chest for memorabilia. If it cannot fit in there, it cannot be kept. The only exception are my handmade quilts passed down from my Great Grandmother.
3. Items counted in groups: Clothing: each separate group will be counted, such as underwear will be counted as 1 item, but I will have a limited number within the group; books: only keeping cookbooks I use on a regular basis and books related to work that I have used for reference; work related items: stethoscope, etc; Jewelry: same as with clothing.
4. Following in Dave's footsteps, I will only purchase things that will replace something else on the list. As for gifts, I will allow myself 7 days to determine what to do with it. Though I would hope that my friends will also see the value in what I'm trying to accomplish and will not purchase me gifts unless they know it is something I can use.
I think that about covers the rules. Sept 1st, 2011 I will examine my progress and post what I dwindled down to!! Over the next year I will post about my progress as well as the reorganization of the rest of my surroundings. Feel free to follow!!
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
I have a "thing"...
WARNING: this post is totally me vomiting words on the screen. Feel free to skip over this post as there really isn't much that will be meaningful or profound.
I looked up the word "obsession" in the thesaurus. It was actually very enlightening! Phrases such as "fixation", "consuming passion", and "thing" were among the list. I never thought of having a "thing" as being a problem. Though I'm coming to realize that is the case. My "thing" is a problem for me.
Over the last few years, well 10yrs actually, I've had a few losses. First I lost my home. My ex made a choice and we were stuck without a place to live. We picked up and moved 300 mi away to live with my parents and I had to start a whole new life. That started the spiraling that has led me to the chaos I now endure. He then made another choice that cost me my sanity. He chose another woman. I then moved 1,000mi away with nothing but a 5x8 trailer. My life as I knew it was over. I would have to start over with a new job, new friends, a new place to live. I felt like everything was in chaos. I had nothing to call my own. I lived with my best friend and endured her crazy life with three little ones. Surviving each day was all I could do.
Slowly things got back to normal, or at least the new normal I had created. Dating my Man, buying a house, loving my job and doing really well there with lots of new friends. But my finances never recovered from the divorce. I was left with a large credit card debt, no self esteem, and the need to buy all new things to start my life over. I started my Masters program just adding to the already hectic life I was leading. In order to keep my head above water, I was working overtime plus school plus trying to live my life. More and more chaos, more and more spending to deal with the anxiety. I lost my financial freedom.
Once I graduated, I began working for the worst organization in the world. I cannot mention it as I don't want them to sue me for anything. Let's just say they are known for their "completely dedicated pediatric approach". I spent 10 months trying to make a job for me. I was new and inexperienced, yet the organization did nothing to support me. I was a pediatric nurse practitioner stuck in an office with nothing to do. I endured it as long as I could and began to doubt my career choice. I went back to the NICU and back to school. Losing my personal time and my self-esteem as an advanced practice nurse.
Then went to work for the second worst organization in the world. Again for fear of some form of retaliation, I won't say their name either. And I can't say the organization was horrible, just 2 people to be exact that made my life miserable for another year. Again making me doubt my future as an NNP and working for them forever. I chose to leave. Losing the "family" I had worked with for the past 10years. I was again, starting over.
During all of this I was diagnosed with hypothyroid causing me to lose my figure (gained large amount of weight) and I can't seem to find it again. I was diagnosed with lung cancer causing me to lose my relative assurance that I would live a long life.
Now I'm in a great job with terrific people. I have a roof over my head and food on my table. I have a husband-to-be who loves me. But I still feel like my life is in total chaos. Like I'm hanging on by a thread that some one is stepping in. If I move, it will all unravel and be a heap around my ankles. I honestly believe all of these losses has caused my anxiety to rear it's ugly head. I've always been an anxious person and stress always took it's toll on me. However now I seemed to have developed a little bit of OCD in order to cope.
I've started feeling even more anxious that my desk is a mess and it only gets better when it's clean. The house is always messy to me, even when everything is in it's place. There is so much extra stuff that is not needed just laying around that is driving me insane. My work schedule has been a little crazy lately with people being out so I've not really been able to plan anything as it just has to be rescheduled. I constantly feel like there is something I have to do and just sitting on the couch is no longer relaxing. Even seeing other people disorganized causes me stress. I've realized my "thing" is an obsession with order.
I've started cleaning things out and getting rid of extra stuff. I will probably regret it at some point but I just can't have it in the house any more. I've organized my time to the best of my ability. Our self scheduling was taken away at work so I only know my schedule for the next month. I've organized my diet and exercise plan to hopefully lead to the weight loss I've been trying to achieve. I think as long as I keep to myself and don't get ugly about it with other people, it will be ok. I just know that if I don't give in to my "thing" it will only get worse.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Behind in life
I was smacked in the face with the realization that I'm really behind in my life and all out of sorts this past week. I'm usually Miss organization and I know where everything is, when everything is due, and have my life planned for the next 6 months (knowing that I can get a kink in it, but planned none the less)! In May I received a speeding ticket and I agreed to go to the driving school. Three months passed to quickly and I didn't go, resulting in my drivers licenses being suspended. I have never done anything illegal (besides speeding) and I was a little freaked out. But it made me realize just how out of control I had let my life become!
I was living day to day, not really knowing what was supposed to be done. The only thing I was planning in advance was setting up the kennel times for Shadow when I was working 24hr shifts. My OCD tendencies were being ignored and the anxiety was very real. The whole suspended license thing scared me enough to get my life back in order!!
It's not there by any means, but it's getting better. I spent 3 days reorganizing and purging stuff that I no longer needed. I still have things that need to go, but it's a gradual thing. I read two articles online about
downsizing making you happier and living with 100 personal items. Eventually I would like to get to that point. However, getting my other half to join me will be the REAL challenge. But now I at least know where all the important papers are (not organized but at least in one place), what projects lay ahead of me and how I can complete them, along with a diet and exercise schedule.
I have 4 days off next week to get the rest of it together. Maybe I can take a few more things to Goodwill then too! Once I'm done, I will update my blog and get my wedding blog out there too!!
I was living day to day, not really knowing what was supposed to be done. The only thing I was planning in advance was setting up the kennel times for Shadow when I was working 24hr shifts. My OCD tendencies were being ignored and the anxiety was very real. The whole suspended license thing scared me enough to get my life back in order!!
It's not there by any means, but it's getting better. I spent 3 days reorganizing and purging stuff that I no longer needed. I still have things that need to go, but it's a gradual thing. I read two articles online about
downsizing making you happier and living with 100 personal items. Eventually I would like to get to that point. However, getting my other half to join me will be the REAL challenge. But now I at least know where all the important papers are (not organized but at least in one place), what projects lay ahead of me and how I can complete them, along with a diet and exercise schedule.
I have 4 days off next week to get the rest of it together. Maybe I can take a few more things to Goodwill then too! Once I'm done, I will update my blog and get my wedding blog out there too!!
Friday, June 25, 2010
Anyone Can Get Lung Cancer
On February 19, 2009 I was diagnosed with Stage 1B Mucoepidermoid Carcinoma in my right lung. I was 35 years old and had never smoked.
I had the right lower lobe of my lung removed and spent 5 days in the ICU recovering. The problem that I had was that lung cancer research is severely lacking and no one really knew how I should be treated. It has always been thought that lung cancer was preventable. That as long as you don't smoke, you won't get it. Therefore, treatment research has been focused on other types of cancers. Well, THEY WERE ALL WRONG!!
Now 60% of newly diagnosed cases are either non-smokers or those that quit many years ago. It is the NUMBER ONE cancer killer, more than breast, colon, prostate, melanoma, and kidney COMBINED! And even though lung cancer causes 1 in 3 cancer deaths, it received less than 5% of the funding. Survival rates today are the same as they were in the 1970s, even with all the medical advances. (Bonnie J. Addario lung cancer foundation)
Because of this lack of research, my oncologist and I were at a loss about what to do. Being a medical professional, I have access to all kinds of medical journals and research reports. Both of us did our own literature review and found that there was virtually no research on my particular type of cancer. It is a rare form, but there are others out there like me. We found case reports and anecdotes of survival rates but NOTHING on actual treatment. Because I was stage 1B and treatment for stage 1 is "controversial", along with most case reports suggesting that surgical intervention would be enough and that chemotherapy was ineffective on those who had received it, we decided to simply do surveillance. For the last year and 4 months I've been seeing him regularly and getting serial CT scans. So far, I have had NED (no evidence of disease). But there are others that have not been so lucky.
Jillian was a 22yr old who was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer around the same time I was. She was an athletic young woman who helped her rowing team accomplish great things. She also never smoked. She went to see her doctor because of a simple stomach ache and it was found to have spread to her liver, breasts, and bone. All without any symptoms. She went through MULTIPLE rounds of chemotherapy. On June 24th, 2010 she lost her battle. While I did not personally know Jill, this could have easily been me. Or you. Or your best friend.
I have been very interested in joining the Bonnie J. Addario Lung Cancer Foundation and WTF? (Where's The Funding) in fighting this disease. I feel very blessed that my cancer treatment ended after the 5 days in the ICU. I want others to have a way to fight this disease and win. Please take a few minutes and watch this video on Jill's life. You will see why this is such a devastating illness and why we need to fight for more research.
"Just Like Jill" Lung Cancer Research Campaign
Feel free to leave a comment if you would like more information or if you are interested in helping me fight.
I now have a new favorite song. It is the song playing in the video and has become the theme song for this campaign. Thanks to Matisyahu for allowing the use of this song.
One Day
sometimes I lay
under the moon
and thank God I’m breathing
then I pray
don’t take me soon
cause I am here for a reason
sometimes in my tears I drown
but I never let it get me down
so when negativity surrounds
I know some day it’ll all turn around
because
all my life I’ve been waiting for
I’ve been praying for
for the people to say
that we don’t wanna fight no more
they’ll be no more wars
and our children will play
one day x6
it’s not about
win or lose
we all lose
when they feed on the souls of the innocent
blood drenched pavement
keep on moving though the waters stay raging
in this maze you can lose your way (your way)
it might drive you crazy but don’t let it faze you no way (no way)
sometimes in my tears I drown
but I never let it get me down
so when negativity surrounds
I know some day it’ll all turn around
because
all my life I’ve been waiting for
I’ve been praying for
for the people to say
that we don’t wanna fight no more
they’ll be no more wars
and our children will play
one day x6
one day this all will change
treat people the same
stop with the violence
down with the hate
one day we’ll all be free
and proud to be
under the same sun
singing songs of freedom like
one day x4
all my life I’ve been waiting for
I’ve been praying for
for the people to say
that we don’t wanna fight no more
they’ll be no more wars
and our children will play
one day x6
ooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
I had the right lower lobe of my lung removed and spent 5 days in the ICU recovering. The problem that I had was that lung cancer research is severely lacking and no one really knew how I should be treated. It has always been thought that lung cancer was preventable. That as long as you don't smoke, you won't get it. Therefore, treatment research has been focused on other types of cancers. Well, THEY WERE ALL WRONG!!
Now 60% of newly diagnosed cases are either non-smokers or those that quit many years ago. It is the NUMBER ONE cancer killer, more than breast, colon, prostate, melanoma, and kidney COMBINED! And even though lung cancer causes 1 in 3 cancer deaths, it received less than 5% of the funding. Survival rates today are the same as they were in the 1970s, even with all the medical advances. (Bonnie J. Addario lung cancer foundation)
Because of this lack of research, my oncologist and I were at a loss about what to do. Being a medical professional, I have access to all kinds of medical journals and research reports. Both of us did our own literature review and found that there was virtually no research on my particular type of cancer. It is a rare form, but there are others out there like me. We found case reports and anecdotes of survival rates but NOTHING on actual treatment. Because I was stage 1B and treatment for stage 1 is "controversial", along with most case reports suggesting that surgical intervention would be enough and that chemotherapy was ineffective on those who had received it, we decided to simply do surveillance. For the last year and 4 months I've been seeing him regularly and getting serial CT scans. So far, I have had NED (no evidence of disease). But there are others that have not been so lucky.
Jillian was a 22yr old who was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer around the same time I was. She was an athletic young woman who helped her rowing team accomplish great things. She also never smoked. She went to see her doctor because of a simple stomach ache and it was found to have spread to her liver, breasts, and bone. All without any symptoms. She went through MULTIPLE rounds of chemotherapy. On June 24th, 2010 she lost her battle. While I did not personally know Jill, this could have easily been me. Or you. Or your best friend.
I have been very interested in joining the Bonnie J. Addario Lung Cancer Foundation and WTF? (Where's The Funding) in fighting this disease. I feel very blessed that my cancer treatment ended after the 5 days in the ICU. I want others to have a way to fight this disease and win. Please take a few minutes and watch this video on Jill's life. You will see why this is such a devastating illness and why we need to fight for more research.
"Just Like Jill" Lung Cancer Research Campaign
Feel free to leave a comment if you would like more information or if you are interested in helping me fight.
I now have a new favorite song. It is the song playing in the video and has become the theme song for this campaign. Thanks to Matisyahu for allowing the use of this song.
One Day
sometimes I lay
under the moon
and thank God I’m breathing
then I pray
don’t take me soon
cause I am here for a reason
sometimes in my tears I drown
but I never let it get me down
so when negativity surrounds
I know some day it’ll all turn around
because
all my life I’ve been waiting for
I’ve been praying for
for the people to say
that we don’t wanna fight no more
they’ll be no more wars
and our children will play
one day x6
it’s not about
win or lose
we all lose
when they feed on the souls of the innocent
blood drenched pavement
keep on moving though the waters stay raging
in this maze you can lose your way (your way)
it might drive you crazy but don’t let it faze you no way (no way)
sometimes in my tears I drown
but I never let it get me down
so when negativity surrounds
I know some day it’ll all turn around
because
all my life I’ve been waiting for
I’ve been praying for
for the people to say
that we don’t wanna fight no more
they’ll be no more wars
and our children will play
one day x6
one day this all will change
treat people the same
stop with the violence
down with the hate
one day we’ll all be free
and proud to be
under the same sun
singing songs of freedom like
one day x4
all my life I’ve been waiting for
I’ve been praying for
for the people to say
that we don’t wanna fight no more
they’ll be no more wars
and our children will play
one day x6
ooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
Six Months
Six months seems to be the theme of my life these days. Everything is based on six months.
It all started when Joe was sent to NY. He was originally supposed to only be 6 months (Dec-May). I thought to myself that it's not that long in the grand scheme of life. It'll be okay. Little did I know that I would continue to hear "six months". Some good, some bad. Here it is more than 6 months later and he's still not home. But the theme continues.
I have 6 months until the wedding. When I think about it sometimes it seems like forever. But then other times I panic because Joe is not here and there are still lots of loose ends that need to be tied up.
Because I have 6 months until the wedding, I have 6 months to get myself back into shape. I've been exercising but not consistently and not aggressively. I'm ready to take this thing to the next level and get rid of all the excess. Excess of fat, excess foods, and excess negative feelings. I have 6 months to lose weight, gain muscle, and look FANTASTIC in my dress.
Along that same path, my cardiologist told me I could come off my cholesterol medication and see how it goes. The first check with just kinda watching my diet and inconsistent exercise was only 20 points too high. He has now given me 6 months to lose weight and lose those 20 points. If I can't, I will have to go back on the medicine. I'm 37 and I've already been on them for 8 years. I don't want to continue for the rest of my life.
I have now been on my job for 6 months. They keep telling me the honeymoon will end soon but it just doesn't seem that way. While I wish I could be paid a little better and more in line with what other PNPs in my position around the country, I can't complain too much. It got a little crazy these last few weeks with various co-workers being out and having to rearrange the schedule. But overall, the job is good and I'm comfortable there. I have a lot of great people I work with. I still miss my FH peeps, but even if I were to go back it will never be the same. They say you can't ever really go back home and that's what I feel like. Some of the people that made it a good place have left to pursue other avenues. Those that are left I still get to see, though not as often as I would like.
I'm hoping that the next 6 months will go by as quickly as the last 6 months. I was very much dreading Joe being gone for that long and now we are on the downhill portion. He now has 6 WEEKS until he gets to come home for good!!
It all started when Joe was sent to NY. He was originally supposed to only be 6 months (Dec-May). I thought to myself that it's not that long in the grand scheme of life. It'll be okay. Little did I know that I would continue to hear "six months". Some good, some bad. Here it is more than 6 months later and he's still not home. But the theme continues.
I have 6 months until the wedding. When I think about it sometimes it seems like forever. But then other times I panic because Joe is not here and there are still lots of loose ends that need to be tied up.
Because I have 6 months until the wedding, I have 6 months to get myself back into shape. I've been exercising but not consistently and not aggressively. I'm ready to take this thing to the next level and get rid of all the excess. Excess of fat, excess foods, and excess negative feelings. I have 6 months to lose weight, gain muscle, and look FANTASTIC in my dress.
Along that same path, my cardiologist told me I could come off my cholesterol medication and see how it goes. The first check with just kinda watching my diet and inconsistent exercise was only 20 points too high. He has now given me 6 months to lose weight and lose those 20 points. If I can't, I will have to go back on the medicine. I'm 37 and I've already been on them for 8 years. I don't want to continue for the rest of my life.
I have now been on my job for 6 months. They keep telling me the honeymoon will end soon but it just doesn't seem that way. While I wish I could be paid a little better and more in line with what other PNPs in my position around the country, I can't complain too much. It got a little crazy these last few weeks with various co-workers being out and having to rearrange the schedule. But overall, the job is good and I'm comfortable there. I have a lot of great people I work with. I still miss my FH peeps, but even if I were to go back it will never be the same. They say you can't ever really go back home and that's what I feel like. Some of the people that made it a good place have left to pursue other avenues. Those that are left I still get to see, though not as often as I would like.
I'm hoping that the next 6 months will go by as quickly as the last 6 months. I was very much dreading Joe being gone for that long and now we are on the downhill portion. He now has 6 WEEKS until he gets to come home for good!!
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Catching Up
The last 3 months have been a little crazy. It's funny how one little bump in the road can make you go completely off course! Lots of good and exciting things have happened, but I've been so preoccupied with the negative that it was hard to be excited about the positive. I complete my first half marathon in March. Instead of being excited and posting about it, it just didn't seem like it was a big deal. All I could think about it I should have been able to do better and getting frustrated with myself for being lazy. I have an awesome job and have taken on some added responsibilities. But I keep focusing on how little I know about the new specialty and not being the best.
I've spent the last month and a half seeing all my specialists and getting all the follow up tests. Oncologist is very impressed, says he's confident it's not coming back. Cardiologist says my ECHO is normal and I can try coming off the cholesterol meds. Endocrinologist said I have the best labs I've ever had. Pulmonologist says my lung function has not changed, despite missing a part of it. I've got a clean bill of health for the next 4-6 months. Yet I continue to beat myself up because I keep seeing the flaws.
I've always been a perfectionist. My parents say I've always gotten frustrated when something is less than what I think it should be. It has given me the drive to always be the best at everything I do. The problem is I think I have to be perfect at everything and I compare myself to those around me. I could be skinnier. I could be stronger. I could be a better runner. I could be a better athlete period. I could be better at being a pediatric cardiac nurse practitioner. When it doesn't happen, it angers me. I get angry with myself. This leads to a lot of frustration. And lately I've just stop trying to be better. I've accepted my weight. I've accepted that there are better atheletes than me. I've accepted that I've only been in my job 5 months and I can't know everything. But is that really for the better??
I need structure. I need a goal. I need a purpose. Otherwise I feel like my life is out of control. I have to keep trying to be better. At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I have a plan. It seems like every 3-4 months I have this personal crisis and I vow to make things better. Then life happens and I slack off. But this time, I've made sacrifices and spent money. It's a little more motivating. I have a schedule for my workouts. I will be organizing my life again and will have everything the way I want it. I have 6 months to lose weight and be fit enough to get into my wedding dress. I've joined a running group to keep me motivated.
I will be spending the next few months catching up on life. Catching up with all the things I've let slack. Catching up on perfection!
I've spent the last month and a half seeing all my specialists and getting all the follow up tests. Oncologist is very impressed, says he's confident it's not coming back. Cardiologist says my ECHO is normal and I can try coming off the cholesterol meds. Endocrinologist said I have the best labs I've ever had. Pulmonologist says my lung function has not changed, despite missing a part of it. I've got a clean bill of health for the next 4-6 months. Yet I continue to beat myself up because I keep seeing the flaws.
I've always been a perfectionist. My parents say I've always gotten frustrated when something is less than what I think it should be. It has given me the drive to always be the best at everything I do. The problem is I think I have to be perfect at everything and I compare myself to those around me. I could be skinnier. I could be stronger. I could be a better runner. I could be a better athlete period. I could be better at being a pediatric cardiac nurse practitioner. When it doesn't happen, it angers me. I get angry with myself. This leads to a lot of frustration. And lately I've just stop trying to be better. I've accepted my weight. I've accepted that there are better atheletes than me. I've accepted that I've only been in my job 5 months and I can't know everything. But is that really for the better??
I need structure. I need a goal. I need a purpose. Otherwise I feel like my life is out of control. I have to keep trying to be better. At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I have a plan. It seems like every 3-4 months I have this personal crisis and I vow to make things better. Then life happens and I slack off. But this time, I've made sacrifices and spent money. It's a little more motivating. I have a schedule for my workouts. I will be organizing my life again and will have everything the way I want it. I have 6 months to lose weight and be fit enough to get into my wedding dress. I've joined a running group to keep me motivated.
I will be spending the next few months catching up on life. Catching up with all the things I've let slack. Catching up on perfection!
Saturday, February 20, 2010
One Year Cancer Free
Yesterday, I celebrated being 1 year cancer free!!! While it was something to celebrate, this past year has been really hard. Between dealing with the stress of cancer, the stress of my job, and the stress that job placed on my finances, I'm REALLY glad it's over.
I look in the mirror at my scars and I am completely amazed. It provides such an accurate analogy for how things really do heal with time. Unfortunately, I didn't think about taking a before picture. But this is the 1 year later photo:
I look in the mirror at my scars and I am completely amazed. It provides such an accurate analogy for how things really do heal with time. Unfortunately, I didn't think about taking a before picture. But this is the 1 year later photo:
It's almost invisible, but there's still just enough there to remind me what I went through. That seems to be how everything heals. A broken heart is mended with the love of those around you, but there is always that one little mark that reminds us what we went through. If I turn in just a certain way, I still feel the muscles/tendons pull and stretch and it hurts. Just like hearing a certain song you shared can still bring tears to the eyes.
As I've healed in more ways than one over the past year, I have been reminded that I'm not the one who takes care of all of this. I know that God put me in the job at FH so that I could get the best surgeon, the best care, and the best support. He put me in a place where I would be able to get paid for being out of work. Even though it was extremely stressful, I am thankful I was there.
Sometimes we question what we have to go through. Why did I have to get cancer? Why did I have to have my heart ripped out? Why did I have to start my life all over again? But when it's all over and we come out on the other side, we see what the purpose was. God never promised us an easy ride, but he did say he would walk beside us the whole way and carry us when we just can't walk anymore.
I'm on the other side now. I know there will still be pain, both physical and mental. I know my heart will always have a scar. I know that while I love my new job, it isn't perfect and there will be problems. I can truly live my life as I was intended. And as of now, CANCER FREE!!!
Monday, January 18, 2010
Never take goodbye for granted
On Tuesday, January 12, 2010 at 4:53:10 PM a magnitude 7.0 earthquake shook Haiti with the epicenter located 15 miles WSW of the capital city of Port au Prince lasting 35 seconds. In that 35 seconds, the world changed for hundreds of thousands people.
I reported the event to my parents. I received word the following day that our friends Jack and Jeanne Munos were among those affected. They were missionaries for the Free Methodist church and had been friends of our family for many years. The 5 story building in downtown Port that served as their headquarters had collapsed with them and several other people inside. After about 6 hours, Jack was rescued from the rubble along with another young girl. He suffered a broken leg and hand and was airlifted out to Guantanamo Bay hospital for treatment. Jeanne was still missing, along with 2 other men who had just arrived as part of a work crew.
As the days passed, they were unable to locate any of those three people. There were several members of our missions organization that tried to get them out. However, there was no way to move the heavy boulders to see if they were still trapped on the inside. There were no voice responses. No signs of life. After 4 days, they were presumed dead.
In 1997, Jeanne, along with my mom and several other people traveled to Haiti to be apart of a bible school for children. It was then that Jeanne decided that was where she was supposed to be. Over the next 7 years, she attended seminary at Asbury college and prepared herself and her husband for the life she would be leading. In 2004, Jack and Jeanne finally made it to Haiti. They taught pastors and provided spiritual guidance. Jeanne loved the people of Haiti. She had devoted her life to ensuring the salvation of the people. They had just completed a church in Port that would seat 2,000 people. It's first Sunday was the Sunday before the quake. The church was filled to capacity. She was able to see the fruits of her work.
Jeanne had always said she would never leave Haiti. She had told me many times she would die there. I never thought that would be the case. My mother and I had made plans and booked our flight to go down there in March of last year. I was going to be working with children in the hospitals and showing the nurses how to care for premature and sick infants. I was diagnosed with cancer in February and the trip had been canceled.
In November, Jeanne flew to FL to attend an award ceremony for a member of the Haitian church. We met for lunch at Bahama Breeze and talked again about planning our trip. I was waiting to get the OK from my 1 year check up then going to make plans to go again. She was always so passionate about the people and the ways I would be able to help them. We enjoyed a few hours of good food and good company. Then I hugged her and said I would see her when she came back in January. I got in my car, and left. The thought of never seeing her again NEVER crossed my mind. She and my mother were very good friends. When she took her to the airport, she unknowingly hugged her goodbye for the last time.
When we leave someone, we never think about "what if this is the last time". We argue and yell, then leave it unresolved. Or we tell them how bad they were at whatever and then leave. How often do we call our friends just to let them know we care? And it's not just in tragedy like this. They could go to Wal-Mart and be at the wrong place at the wrong time and not come home. I'm not saying that we should all be scared every time a loved one leaves. But we should take the time to say "I love you". Hastily running out the door and yelling good bye to your spouse in the morning. Shoving your kids out the door to the school bus.
Jack was standing just a few feet away from his wife when the quake hit. He had just enough time to look over and see her falling. No time to think, no time to say "I love you". What do you think he would give to have had that one moment back?
Jeanne was a fantastic woman who gave everything she had to serve God, even her life. She would sign every email "for His kingdom to fully come to Haiti". She had a calling, a mission, and she gave her life in pursuit of that mission.
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I reported the event to my parents. I received word the following day that our friends Jack and Jeanne Munos were among those affected. They were missionaries for the Free Methodist church and had been friends of our family for many years. The 5 story building in downtown Port that served as their headquarters had collapsed with them and several other people inside. After about 6 hours, Jack was rescued from the rubble along with another young girl. He suffered a broken leg and hand and was airlifted out to Guantanamo Bay hospital for treatment. Jeanne was still missing, along with 2 other men who had just arrived as part of a work crew.
As the days passed, they were unable to locate any of those three people. There were several members of our missions organization that tried to get them out. However, there was no way to move the heavy boulders to see if they were still trapped on the inside. There were no voice responses. No signs of life. After 4 days, they were presumed dead.
In 1997, Jeanne, along with my mom and several other people traveled to Haiti to be apart of a bible school for children. It was then that Jeanne decided that was where she was supposed to be. Over the next 7 years, she attended seminary at Asbury college and prepared herself and her husband for the life she would be leading. In 2004, Jack and Jeanne finally made it to Haiti. They taught pastors and provided spiritual guidance. Jeanne loved the people of Haiti. She had devoted her life to ensuring the salvation of the people. They had just completed a church in Port that would seat 2,000 people. It's first Sunday was the Sunday before the quake. The church was filled to capacity. She was able to see the fruits of her work.
Jeanne had always said she would never leave Haiti. She had told me many times she would die there. I never thought that would be the case. My mother and I had made plans and booked our flight to go down there in March of last year. I was going to be working with children in the hospitals and showing the nurses how to care for premature and sick infants. I was diagnosed with cancer in February and the trip had been canceled.
In November, Jeanne flew to FL to attend an award ceremony for a member of the Haitian church. We met for lunch at Bahama Breeze and talked again about planning our trip. I was waiting to get the OK from my 1 year check up then going to make plans to go again. She was always so passionate about the people and the ways I would be able to help them. We enjoyed a few hours of good food and good company. Then I hugged her and said I would see her when she came back in January. I got in my car, and left. The thought of never seeing her again NEVER crossed my mind. She and my mother were very good friends. When she took her to the airport, she unknowingly hugged her goodbye for the last time.
When we leave someone, we never think about "what if this is the last time". We argue and yell, then leave it unresolved. Or we tell them how bad they were at whatever and then leave. How often do we call our friends just to let them know we care? And it's not just in tragedy like this. They could go to Wal-Mart and be at the wrong place at the wrong time and not come home. I'm not saying that we should all be scared every time a loved one leaves. But we should take the time to say "I love you". Hastily running out the door and yelling good bye to your spouse in the morning. Shoving your kids out the door to the school bus.
Jack was standing just a few feet away from his wife when the quake hit. He had just enough time to look over and see her falling. No time to think, no time to say "I love you". What do you think he would give to have had that one moment back?
Jeanne was a fantastic woman who gave everything she had to serve God, even her life. She would sign every email "for His kingdom to fully come to Haiti". She had a calling, a mission, and she gave her life in pursuit of that mission.
.jpg)
May His kingdom fully come to Haiti...enjoy your homecoming, Jeanne
Friday, January 15, 2010
Wedding Madness
As I begin looking at places to have this shin dig, I realize I had forgotten what it was like the first time. But the more I think about it, I don't think it was as difficult the first time. I knew the church, I knew the reception would be in the church. My mom and grandma did the cake and flowers. And someone that worked with my mother did the catering. The photographer was also the person who did the decorations (the arch, bench, pew decorations, candle thingys, etc) so that was easy enough.
My church is not pretty and is not the place where you envision your dream event. So I have to find a place. I want a church, but most require you to be a member or go through their marriage classes. With Joe being in NY, that's not possible. Then there is where to have the reception. Do we do dinner or cocktail type thing? How much should we decorate? Should it be simple and quaint and only invite a few people or should we do it simple with lots of people?
Unfortunately the dormant girly girl is rearing her blond head. I want the pretty flowers, the beautiful dress, the perfect scene, and the dinner where all involved can have fun. However, that's all a little expensive and more than I'm willing to pay. The pragmatic side is saying "you have tons of debt and it's only one night. Why pay all that money?"
It's hard to decide exactly what one should have. I will only get one chance to make this the most memorable night for us. We are a unique couple with diverse interests. We are not traditional by any means. I want people to walk away saying "that was exactly what we would expect from their wedding". But how do you think of those things? And all the little details!! I can totally see why bridezilla's emerge! I am determined to have fun with this, though, and make it everything we want.
My church is not pretty and is not the place where you envision your dream event. So I have to find a place. I want a church, but most require you to be a member or go through their marriage classes. With Joe being in NY, that's not possible. Then there is where to have the reception. Do we do dinner or cocktail type thing? How much should we decorate? Should it be simple and quaint and only invite a few people or should we do it simple with lots of people?
Unfortunately the dormant girly girl is rearing her blond head. I want the pretty flowers, the beautiful dress, the perfect scene, and the dinner where all involved can have fun. However, that's all a little expensive and more than I'm willing to pay. The pragmatic side is saying "you have tons of debt and it's only one night. Why pay all that money?"
It's hard to decide exactly what one should have. I will only get one chance to make this the most memorable night for us. We are a unique couple with diverse interests. We are not traditional by any means. I want people to walk away saying "that was exactly what we would expect from their wedding". But how do you think of those things? And all the little details!! I can totally see why bridezilla's emerge! I am determined to have fun with this, though, and make it everything we want.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
2010 Fitness Goals
Since I have all new beginnings, I have all new goals:
1. Run my first half-marathon
2. Participate in my first century bike ride
3. Improve my PR for the sprint triathlon (since I've only done one, this shouldn't be hard)
4. complete the daily mile challenge Tri 2010 where I complete 2010 miles in 2010 through
proportionate biking, swimming, and running
5. improve to a sub-30 5K (if my physical limitations will allow)
And since I have a really big event planned in December, my weight loss goals are all the more important! So I just have 3:
1. lose the 25 pounds I have put in since surgery by May (5 months)
2. lose the additional 10 I didn't lose the first time by October (35 lbs total in 10 months)
3. reduce my body fat to at least 20%
1. Run my first half-marathon
2. Participate in my first century bike ride
3. Improve my PR for the sprint triathlon (since I've only done one, this shouldn't be hard)
4. complete the daily mile challenge Tri 2010 where I complete 2010 miles in 2010 through
proportionate biking, swimming, and running
5. improve to a sub-30 5K (if my physical limitations will allow)
And since I have a really big event planned in December, my weight loss goals are all the more important! So I just have 3:
1. lose the 25 pounds I have put in since surgery by May (5 months)
2. lose the additional 10 I didn't lose the first time by October (35 lbs total in 10 months)
3. reduce my body fat to at least 20%
Beginnings and Endings
The last couple of months of 2009 were filled with all sorts of chaos with trying to figure out where my life was going and what I'm supposed to be doing. As 2009 came to a quick close, I started thinking about beginnings and endings.
On Jan 13th, 2010, I will hit the 10yr anniversary of my divorce. That day in 2000 was both a beginning and an ending. It marked the ending of 9 years with my ex. The end of life as I knew it. The end of everything I had try to make work. And as I thought at the time, the end of my happiness. That was true for a time. It was then I decided to make it a beginning. Thanks to my bestest friend Teri, I was able to start everything over. I left everything behind, packed a 5x8 trailer with my personal effects, and moved to Central Florida where I had my new beginning.
Since then, there have been many beginnings and endings. Some more devastating that others. The ending of life when I lost both of my grandparents. The beginning of life seeing many friends get married and have children. Jobs coming and going. People coming and going. Cancer coming and going.
As I stand before 2010, I see all the beginnings and can look back at the endings without regret. Tomorrow I start my dream job. I have been working my whole career to take care of kids facing cardiac issues. Everything I have learned up to now has prepared me for this adventure. I will be taking care of the kids, teaching, learning, and doing it in a place that will support me. I am so excited for this beginning. Of course, every beginning starts at an ending. I am ending 10 years at Florida Hospital. It is truly bittersweet. I have many friends that I am leaving behind and many memories. All the familiarity of the NICU. But I'm leaving behind all the things that have made me unhappy as well. The "beatings" by the management. The freedoms that were slowly taken from me. The financial situation I have been placed in by the lack of compensation for the work I did. Those I am not sad about.
In January 2000 I was living the worst time of my life. I had lost my best friend, my love, and my life. I couldn't function. In the middle of dealing with that ending, I began seeing a new guy. And in December 2000 we decided to officially start dating. I was not in a position to really give anything to anyone. But he was patient and understanding. He enjoyed being with me and didn't push anything I wasn't ready for. In December of 2009 we celebrated 9 years together. After all the things we've been through in those 9 years, we are ready to take the leap. On December 4th, 2010 (2 days before our 10 year anniversary), we will be taking those vows to let everyone know what we have already decided for each other. That we are in this for the long haul, for better and for worse.
Somewhere along the way, my body had it's own beginning. It began to show the signs of all the stress and age. I gained a lot of weight, my thyroid messed up, and I got cancer. 2010 will be a new year for all of that. February will be the 1 year anniversary of my surgery and to this point, I remain cancer free. So hopefully I have seen the end of cancer. But the weight is still an issue. My goal is to see the end of that as well!
2010 marks the beginning of promise. The promise of good things to come. Not that there won't be any endings, but with God's help, I can face those endings and bumps in the road without falling. A new job, a new phase in my relationship with marriage, a new body, and a renewed hope in things to come.
On Jan 13th, 2010, I will hit the 10yr anniversary of my divorce. That day in 2000 was both a beginning and an ending. It marked the ending of 9 years with my ex. The end of life as I knew it. The end of everything I had try to make work. And as I thought at the time, the end of my happiness. That was true for a time. It was then I decided to make it a beginning. Thanks to my bestest friend Teri, I was able to start everything over. I left everything behind, packed a 5x8 trailer with my personal effects, and moved to Central Florida where I had my new beginning.
Since then, there have been many beginnings and endings. Some more devastating that others. The ending of life when I lost both of my grandparents. The beginning of life seeing many friends get married and have children. Jobs coming and going. People coming and going. Cancer coming and going.
As I stand before 2010, I see all the beginnings and can look back at the endings without regret. Tomorrow I start my dream job. I have been working my whole career to take care of kids facing cardiac issues. Everything I have learned up to now has prepared me for this adventure. I will be taking care of the kids, teaching, learning, and doing it in a place that will support me. I am so excited for this beginning. Of course, every beginning starts at an ending. I am ending 10 years at Florida Hospital. It is truly bittersweet. I have many friends that I am leaving behind and many memories. All the familiarity of the NICU. But I'm leaving behind all the things that have made me unhappy as well. The "beatings" by the management. The freedoms that were slowly taken from me. The financial situation I have been placed in by the lack of compensation for the work I did. Those I am not sad about.
In January 2000 I was living the worst time of my life. I had lost my best friend, my love, and my life. I couldn't function. In the middle of dealing with that ending, I began seeing a new guy. And in December 2000 we decided to officially start dating. I was not in a position to really give anything to anyone. But he was patient and understanding. He enjoyed being with me and didn't push anything I wasn't ready for. In December of 2009 we celebrated 9 years together. After all the things we've been through in those 9 years, we are ready to take the leap. On December 4th, 2010 (2 days before our 10 year anniversary), we will be taking those vows to let everyone know what we have already decided for each other. That we are in this for the long haul, for better and for worse.
Somewhere along the way, my body had it's own beginning. It began to show the signs of all the stress and age. I gained a lot of weight, my thyroid messed up, and I got cancer. 2010 will be a new year for all of that. February will be the 1 year anniversary of my surgery and to this point, I remain cancer free. So hopefully I have seen the end of cancer. But the weight is still an issue. My goal is to see the end of that as well!
2010 marks the beginning of promise. The promise of good things to come. Not that there won't be any endings, but with God's help, I can face those endings and bumps in the road without falling. A new job, a new phase in my relationship with marriage, a new body, and a renewed hope in things to come.
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