Six Months

Six months seems to be the theme of my life these days.  Everything is based on six months.

It all started when Joe was sent to NY.  He was originally supposed to only be 6 months (Dec-May).  I thought to myself that it's not that long in the grand scheme of life.  It'll be okay.  Little did I know that I would continue to hear "six months".  Some good, some bad.  Here it is more than 6 months later and he's still not home.  But the theme continues.

I have 6 months until the wedding.  When I think about it sometimes it seems like forever.  But then other times I panic because Joe is not here and there are still lots of loose ends that need to be tied up.

Because I have 6 months until the wedding, I have 6 months to get myself back into shape.  I've been exercising but not consistently and not aggressively.  I'm ready to take this thing to the next level and get rid of all the excess.  Excess of fat, excess foods, and excess negative feelings.  I have 6 months to lose weight, gain muscle, and look FANTASTIC in my dress.

Along that same path, my cardiologist told me I could come off my cholesterol medication and see how it goes.  The first check with just kinda watching my diet and inconsistent exercise was only 20 points too high.  He has now given me 6 months to lose weight and lose those 20 points.  If I can't, I will have to go back on the medicine.  I'm 37 and I've already been on them for 8 years.  I don't want to continue for the rest of my life.

I have now been on my job for 6 months.  They keep telling me the honeymoon will end soon but it just doesn't seem that way.  While I wish I could be paid a little better and more in line with what other PNPs in my position around the country, I can't complain too much.  It got a little crazy these last few weeks with various co-workers being out and having to rearrange the schedule.  But overall, the job is good and I'm comfortable there.  I have a lot of great people I work with.  I still miss my FH peeps, but even if I were to go back it will never be the same.  They say you can't ever really go back home and that's what I feel like.  Some of the people that made it a good place have left to pursue other avenues.  Those that are left I still get to see, though not as often as I would like.

I'm hoping that the next 6 months will go by as quickly as the last 6 months.  I was very much dreading Joe being gone for that long and now we are on the downhill portion.  He now has 6 WEEKS until he gets to come home for good!!

Catching Up

The last 3 months have been a little crazy.  It's funny how one little bump in the road can make you go completely off course!  Lots of good and exciting things have happened, but I've been so preoccupied with the negative that it was hard to be excited about the positive.  I complete my first half marathon in March.  Instead of being excited and posting about it, it just didn't seem like it was a big deal.  All I could think about it I should have been able to do better and getting frustrated with myself for being lazy.  I have an awesome job and have taken on some added responsibilities.  But I keep focusing on how little I know about the new specialty and not being the best.

I've spent the last month and a half seeing all my specialists and getting all the follow up tests.  Oncologist is very impressed, says he's confident it's not coming back.  Cardiologist says my ECHO is normal and I can try coming off the cholesterol meds.  Endocrinologist said I have the best labs I've ever had.  Pulmonologist says my lung function has not changed, despite missing a part of it.  I've got a clean bill of health for the next 4-6 months.  Yet I continue to beat myself up because I keep seeing the flaws.

I've always been a perfectionist.  My parents say I've always gotten frustrated when something is less than what I think it should be.  It has given me the drive to always be the best at everything I do.  The problem is I think I have to be perfect at everything and I compare myself to those around me.  I could be skinnier.  I could be stronger.  I could be a better runner.  I could be a better athlete period.  I could be better at being a pediatric cardiac nurse practitioner.  When it doesn't happen, it angers me.  I get angry with myself.  This leads to a lot of frustration.  And lately I've just stop trying to be better.  I've accepted my weight.  I've accepted that there are better atheletes than me.  I've accepted that I've only been in my job 5 months and I can't know everything.  But is that really for the better??

I need structure.  I need a goal.  I need a purpose.  Otherwise I feel like my life is out of control.  I have to keep trying to be better.  At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I have a plan.  It seems like every 3-4 months I have this personal crisis and I vow to make things better.  Then life happens and I slack off.  But this time, I've made sacrifices and spent money.  It's a little more motivating.  I have a schedule for my workouts.  I will be organizing my life again and will have everything the way I want it.  I have 6 months to lose weight and be fit enough to get into my wedding dress.  I've joined a running group to keep me motivated.

I will be spending the next few months catching up on life.  Catching up with all the things I've let slack.  Catching up on perfection!

7 days and counting

On August 19th, I celebrated 6 months of being cancer free. The interesting thing is the day pretty much came and went without much of a thought about it. I was at work and realized the date, posted something to facebook, then didn't really think about it again. Even after 6 months, it still seems like it didn't happen. It's hard for me to think of myself as a cancer survivor. The scars are fading, the side effects from surgery are getting better, and I'm almost back to 100%. Will it ever really sink in?

Seven days from today I will be participating in my first Triathlon. I will be racing with other women. My particular wave will be with other cancer survivors. My goal is to simply finish. I was mostly worried about the swimming as I still get pretty out of breath. But this week I proved to myself that I can swim 1000yds in a lake and not drown! Now to just follow that with 12mi of biking and 3 mi of running and I will be set!

Following the race, I will take the rest of the week off from heavy training, then I will begin my all out training for the half-ironman. 190 days until the half-marathon, 260 days until the half-ironman. I have decided that in order to accomplish this goal, I will have to be uber-diligent in my diet, exercise, sleep, etc. Documenting this journey will be the best way to keep track of my accomplishments and goals.

7 days and counting.....

June mid-month update

I've kinda figured some things out over the last couple of weeks. I have been getting more and more active and into the training for this triathlon thing. I've discovered I have the propensity to become obsessed very easily. I guess if I have to obsess over something, this is a pretty good thing to get stuck on.

I've done really well with the nutrition. I've been taking my lunch to work everyday (except one) and we've made dinner most nights. I didn't even have to throw away any groceries this week!

The exercise has been hit and miss, though. It's hard to get out when it's hot and getting the the gym is even harder when you get home late and have to get ready for the next day. But I'm working on it!

Not much of an update, but there's not much going on right now. Once I start doing more, I will be adding them here.

Gotta Eat

I met with the nutritionist this week. I have to say it was really worth my money. She was able to explain how my body uses energy is such a way that it all made sense. We came up with an eating plan for me to both lose weight and maintain the energy needed to training. She is also a specialist in sports nutrition and how to mix nutrition and exercise to maximize your body's abilities. We came up with an exercise plan to get me started on my training as well. Then in 6 months we are going to meet back up once my training is well under way and I'm ready to take things to the next level.

Starting tomorrow, I begin the formal training for the half-ironman. I will be eating and exercising in such a way that I will lose weight and build muscle and endurance. I am very excited. I haven't had an athletes body since college!!

I will be blogging here and in Dailymile. Dailymile will keep track of the actual exercise and is fed to my blog mainpage. You can click there to see the actual workouts. This blog will be for my progress and process. I will still have some emo posts on occasion, as well. But I'm hoping the emo moments will be fewer once I get started on making the best of myself.

Stay tuned for more updates!

George is still gone!!!

Met with my oncologist on Tuesday and received the results of the first CT. And the title explains it all...GEORGE IS STILL GONE!!! No lymph nodes, no fluid, nothing. There is apparently a tiny bit of scarring and of course lung volume loss but those are to be expected.

My oncologist is convinced that this will not return. And he was very impressed by the fact that I'm training for a triathlon. He actually said he wanted to do another procedure just because I'm doing too well! My next appointment with him is after my first sprint triathlon. It'll be fantastic for me to be able to go to him and tell him how well I did!!

Been awhile

I just realized it's been a month since I posted last. It's been a rough month. I still seem to be having difficulty making time for everything. Then by the end of the evening I'm so tired I don't feel like making lunch for the next day. I keep trying different schedules, but they all seem to fall apart about mid way through the week.

I meet with a dietician tomorrow who specializes in women athletes. She herself is a triathlete and is the dietician to the Orlando Magic. Her name is Tara Gidus and she's the Diet Diva. I'm very excited. I'm hoping she will be able to help me come up with a manageable meal plan that will help me to lose the last 10 pounds (well, 14 pounds since I've gained 4 since the surgery) and optimize my nutrition for training.

Also, we had our first team meeting for our triathlon team. Not too sure we will all end up participating in the half-ironman, but at least we can all train together. And we might have a corporate sponsor. That way a lot of our expenses will be paid for.

As for exercise, I'm up to week 2 day 2 of the couch to 5K. I'm really excited that I've gone this far. And I feel great!!

More after I meet with the dietician!!

Week 1 Day 2

This week started off great. We were able to get out in the yard on Sunday, so I was able to get in a little physical activity. We went grocery shopping and I got all the fresh ingredients for the week!

So far so good. I did forget my lunch box this morning, so the nice lunch and snacks I had packed were enjoying the afternoon on the floor by the desk at the house. But I was able to get a grilled chicken breast with rice and a big salad for lunch. I happen to have a Kashi TLC bar in my bag for just such an occasion! The only thing missing was fruit. I was able to salvage the day, but it wasn't optimal.

As for activity today, I was able to walk the dog briskly for 2 miles! I was so impressed with myself. I was just reminded by a friends that I have a 10K walk coming up for March of Dimes. I still have a whole month before, but I'm still a little nervous. It's my first exercise goal :)

And for spiritual, I found a church that I'm going to try out. It's a young, contemporary church. I'm hoping I can find a place there. I really miss being a part of a church.

That's it for today...