Hi, I'm Lisa

I haven't written in a while.  Life has been hectic and the last thing I wanted to do was write about it.  I haven't felt much like participating in life these days.  It would be much easier to sit on the couch and watch TV wishing that everything could be perfect like that or that it would all be wrapped up in an hours time.  Unfortunately, that's not working.

I've been thinking a lot lately about why I'm feeling so disconnected to the things around me.  And I realized that I don't really know who I am anymore.  I used to be outgoing, fun-loving, the life of the party.  I was energetic, loved being around people, and experience everything.  I had my hobbies, my habits, my favorite things.  Now I don't know what that is.  I've tried various things.  Some of the hobbies and past times I used to do, but they just don't do it anymore.  I've tried new things.  Then I just get frustrated because I can't do them to the ability of those around me and it's disappointing.

I used to know where I was going and what I wanted to do with my life.  Now I seem to be stuck in this rut and can't get out.  My job is not challenging.  I have 2 masters degrees and 2 specialty certifications but I feel like I'm not being used to my full potential.  I can't advance any farther and no way to improve what I'm doing.  I'm neck deep in debt and can't get out because of said job not paying what I'm worth.

Then there's the weight.  I've never been obsessed over my weight...I never had to be.  I was always thin and fit.  I was an athlete.  Then there was the divorce and the resultant anorexia that totally messed up my body.  Now I'm struggling to keep my weight under control and I'm failing miserably.

Add all of that to cancer and it's a lot for one person to carry.  I've tried my hardest to put my faith in God but it seems I'm even failing at that.  I just make it through each day and hope that the next one will be better.  I have two bible versus that have become my mantra:

"The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth.  He never grows weak or weary.  No one can measure the depths of his understanding.  He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.  Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion.  But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.  They will soar high on wings like eagles.  They will run and not grow weary.  They will walk and not faint." Isaiah 40: 28-31


" Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning." Psalm 30:5


I've seemed to have lost Lisa Marie.  I'm hoping that one day I will be able to find her.