Beginnings and Endings

The last couple of months of 2009 were filled with all sorts of chaos with trying to figure out where my life was going and what I'm supposed to be doing.  As 2009 came to a quick close, I started thinking about beginnings and endings.

On Jan 13th, 2010, I will hit the 10yr anniversary of my divorce.  That day in 2000 was both a beginning and an ending.  It marked the ending of 9 years with my ex.  The end of life as I knew it.  The end of everything I had try to make work.  And as I thought at the time, the end of my happiness.  That was true for a time.  It was then I decided to make it a beginning.  Thanks to my bestest friend Teri, I was able to start everything over.  I left everything behind, packed a 5x8 trailer with my personal effects, and moved to Central Florida where I had my new beginning.

Since then, there have been many beginnings and endings.  Some more devastating that others.  The ending of life when I lost both of my grandparents.  The beginning of life seeing many friends get married and have children.  Jobs coming and going.  People coming and going.  Cancer coming and going.

As I stand before 2010, I see all the beginnings and can look back at the endings without regret.  Tomorrow I start my dream job.  I have been working my whole career to take care of kids facing cardiac issues.  Everything I have learned up to now has prepared me for this adventure.  I will be taking care of the kids, teaching, learning, and doing it in a place that will support me.  I am so excited for this beginning.  Of course, every beginning starts at an ending.  I am ending 10 years at Florida Hospital.  It is truly bittersweet.  I have many friends that I am leaving behind and many memories.  All the familiarity of the NICU.  But I'm leaving behind all the things that have made me unhappy as well.  The "beatings" by the management.  The freedoms that were slowly taken from me.  The financial situation I have been placed in by the lack of compensation for the work I did.  Those I am not sad about.

In January 2000 I was living the worst time of my life.  I had lost my best friend, my love, and my life.  I couldn't function.  In the middle of dealing with that ending, I began seeing a new guy.  And in December 2000 we decided to officially start dating.  I was not in a position to really give anything to anyone.  But he was patient and understanding.  He enjoyed being with me and didn't push anything I wasn't ready for.  In December of 2009 we celebrated 9 years together.  After all the things we've been through in those 9 years, we are ready to take the leap.  On December 4th, 2010 (2 days before our 10 year anniversary), we will be taking those vows to let everyone know what we have already decided for each other.  That we are in this for the long haul, for better and for worse.

Somewhere along the way, my body had it's own beginning.  It began to show the signs of all the stress and age.  I gained a lot of weight, my thyroid messed up, and I got cancer.  2010 will be a new year for all of that.  February will be the 1 year anniversary of my surgery and to this point, I remain cancer free.  So hopefully I have seen the end of cancer.  But the weight is still an issue.  My goal is to see the end of that as well!

2010 marks the beginning of promise.  The promise of good things to come.  Not that there won't be any endings, but with God's help, I can face those endings and bumps in the road without falling.  A new job, a new phase in my relationship with marriage, a new body, and a renewed hope in things to come.